From Isolation to Liberation

At the age of ten, I was diagnosed with pre-leukemia. Before being diagnosed I had to undergo numerous blood tests and very painful bone marrow tests. These tests continued after the diagnosis. I had to miss the last part of my fourth year of grade school and my whole fifth-grade year. The doctors had to search for bone marrow that matched mine, and I was one of the lucky ones! They found out in one round of testing that my younger brother, Daniel, was an almost perfect match.

I was kept in the hospital for weeks before the bone marrow transplant could be done, going through sessions of radiation and chemotherapy. This treatment caused me to lose my hair and to be nauseated most of the time. I was so doped up that I don't even remember receiving my brother's lifesaving bone marrow.

I had to take disgusting medicines for a year after the transplant. I was fed through a tube and kept in an isolation bubble for more than a month. To prevent infections after I was allowed to go home, I had to be isolated in my house for a year, only going out when absolutely necessary. Even then I had to wear a mask and gloves. I was not allowed to eat raw fruits or vegetables, have food cooked outside my house, or drink tap water. But when my year was finally up, all restrictions were off.

I have met many interesting people and made many wonderful friends of various ages, like some of the doctors, nurses, and social workers that helped me through this horrible time. They were caring and never let me lose hope, even in the darkest times of my treatment. They never gave up on me or resented me when I took my frustration out on them. One of my nurses even came to visit and cheer me up during my year of isolation at home. I formed a special bond with these people that helped save me. I still visit them at least twice a year.

Some of the other people that I have had the opportunity to meet are the campers, counselors, and staff at The Hole in the Wall Gang Camp. Funded by Paul Newman's Newman Foundation, the camp is open only to children who have had, or still have, cancer or a blood disorder. The people there are warm, open, and understanding. They are all willing to share their feelings and experiences. And even though the stay at camp is only ten days, I have made there some of the best friends I have ever had. I am able to talk to them about things that no one else would be able to understand.

For young people with cancer the camp is amazing, like a utopia. There are no responsibilities or cliques. Everyone just has fun; it doesn't matter with whom. I can't imagine my life without camp. And when I get too old to be a camper, I am definitely going to be a counselor.

Another good thing that came out of my illness is that I have been able to get more in touch with my emotions. This has led me to write poems and music, and to sketch and draw. I hope that my art will help those that see or hear it to better understand what I went through.

I have greater compassion for those who are suffering, and a much greater respect for those who help them. This respect has made me think about becoming a doctor or nurse so that I can help people that are sick or dying. I want to be there for them, just like people were there for me. Maybe at the same time I would feel like I have started to repay those people who helped me.

I now have a deeper respect for all aspects of life. I take a day at a time, trying to live life to the fullest. I know that everyone has to die and that no one knows exactly when or how. I now realize, also, that God doesn't cause bad things to happen. Some things happen that there are no reasons for, but God will try to help us through them.