Color the Moment

Well, here we are at the end of an incredible school year. It seems like everyone I've been talking with this week remarks on how quickly the year has gone. "It seems like only yesterday that we were walking in the door. . . ."

I find myself in a pondering mood. As most of you know, that is not unusual for me. Emptying out lockers, turning in textbooks, throwing out old folders, filing binders filled with notes and handouts, discarding old crayons and markers that no longer work or are broken--something about all that really makes me think and takes me back to the beginning in August.

I have always loved the beginning of a school year! I anxiously awaited the big "school shopping trip" with my mom and buying new tablets of filler paper, scissors (pointed tips not blunt!), glue, pencils, folders. But my favorite thing to buy was crayons. Of course we're talking about a time before markers were seen in stores let alone in schools! My mom was a bargain shopper and always pushed the sixteen- or twenty-four-count box, even though I longed for the box of sixty-four–with the sharpener. I remember that sunny August day in fourth grade when I got my first box of sixty-four.

I loved opening the new box. You could only do it once--that snap of the corrugated cardboard. Then to look down and see the beautiful colors--sharp, standing up on tiptoe, greeting me with possibilities. The newness, the smell. Ah, the possibilities. Remember this past August?

What were those hopes, dreams, and goals that you wrote on the rainbow paper passed out at the prayer that first day? We read the story from Genesis when God sent Noah the rainbow as a sign of the covenant. I color that moment yellow–bright, hopeful, sunny. I had my goals and hopes for the year–teachers do too.

But as we move into September and October, and look down into our box of sixty-four–the sharp tips are becoming flat, blunt. Homework piles up, projects begin, the newness wears off and becomes routine. The crayon is no longer a novelty but a tool for work, which was its purpose. I color the moment gray-- dull, boring, practical.

By December the crayons are flat on both ends. It is hard to get excited about using them. It is not new--it starts to become old. I color the moment brown-- muddy, monotonous.

We begin a new semester and peel off the wrapping that causes the friction between the crayon and paper. You may have looked around the box for new dreams, new goals-- new crayons that haven't been used yet. I color the moment–burnt sienna-- red and brown, different.

By the time the fourth quarter comes around, we may even get so lazy that we don't even unwrap the crayon and sharpen it. We lose crayons; they fall out of the box. Some are stepped on and broken. Broken bits, smithers of waxy stubs. Broken hearts, lost hope, unaccomplished goals. I color the moment--

Hey, wait a minute. Surely you didn't think I was going to say I color the moment BLACK! No, no, no.

There is something more than the romance of the beginning of the year and the disillusionment that may follow. And that is what we are called to see as Christians.

The first reading today talked about the old passing away and being reconciled to God. This isn't saying "throw out the old." It is talking about another way of seeing things–seeing things through Christ. If we use that lens to magnify our experiences, then we can see things in a new light-- where everything old is new again. That is where true joy is found. It is all in how you look at things.

I think we all go through these cycles of romance-disillusionment-true joy. I know that I have this school year. Getting to that place where I can shake my disappointments and let go of issues is tough for me. It is like dying or losing something. It is seeing the broken crayons as just a big ol' mess!

Today's Gospel from John reminds us that it is only in the dying that the grain bears much fruit. We have to go through these periods of disillusionment and broken crayons to get to the point where we recognize true joy.

God gives us rainbows even when our crayons are broken. God heals that brokenness and makes us new again. I had an experience this week in which a rainbow appeared in my stormy moment. I was upset and running late to a class, and there in the doorway was a woman. I thought it was another teacher, but as I moved closer my heart filled with joy. It was a teacher from my old high school, in town for a graduation. She was standing in my classroom telling my class stories about me! Never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined her there. I've not seen her in over twelve years.

Sr. Mary Claire taught theology, coordinated liturgies, played the guitar, sang beautiful harmonies, and was truly an inspiration to me. She made me ponder back then. She still does today. I had a "broken crayon day," but one big hug and a couple of e-mails later, I am coloring rainbows with that crayon. It is all in how you look at things.

So don't throw away the crayons. Think about it. They still color. They can be sharpened. You may even use them on the side and color shaded hues. The crayons may be smaller or not look as nice, but the fact of the matter is RAINBOWS can be colored with broken crayons. True joy comes in that realization.

Those lofty goals from last August still have beauty. Take your crayon and color that moment with a vivid green. The dreams of the new school year still have potential. Take your crayon and color that moment with a violet. The broken hearts and disappointments from this school year can bring us to a deeper understanding of who we are. Take your crayon and color that with our school color, columbia blue.

Do you see the rainbow we are coloring? I can. It is all in how you look at things. This summer, color your moments with God's hope and healing. For it is in God's rainbow of hope that we become new creations in Christ. Everything old is new again. That is God's promise. That is true joy.